abstinence 4

From the proceeding paragraphs of ‘has-beens’, sometimes I question my talents and ability of shepherding His flock. But when Ps Jeff delivered the sermon on Saturday, I knew that there was a difference of my ways and His ways. “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me, therefore go and make…” It isn’t the fact that I’m not suitable, ill-equipped, or lousy. I am empowered and anointed by the One who parted the Red Sea!

When the sense of defeat sets into my life, I drift. Bit by bit, day after day, that little bit would mean several miles accumulatively! This defeat is what the Bible says about “When I strike the shepherd, the flock will scatter”. That is the aim of the devil. Here, the context is modelling. If this sense of defeat gets into me, which it had in the past, I will be short-changing His flock. Without seeing any God encounters and understanding the essence of Christianity which has long been blinded by the defeats, how am I then going to “feed His sheep”?

Modelling is critical in building up credible Man of God. If I had strayed and disowned God, His flocks will see and take it as an escape route when things do not go according to THEIR ways.

Today, search me and show me the passion for You. In the midst of adversities, may me eyes be opened wide, hearts open deep, minds open wide for Your vast knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. Let me know that I am not a resounding gong. Thank You for rekindling this passion through all the moments of tears and heartaches. I will do my best in taking care (includes feeding, grooming, providing health and refuge, time etc) of Your flock.

abstinence 3

Focus. Concentration. These are 2 qualities needed to perform anything, yes, ANYTHING, well. This is a life experience that I share. On Halloween last year, I was out for supper with 2 others. What happens when one is full and when it is late at night? You’re right. I dozed off while driving. And mind you, I dozed off while at the speed of 110km/h along the PIE. I had lost the fight to stay awake. I had lost concentration. I had a passenger; two lives in a car. Was I responsible and faithful as a servant of God? But thank God that all of us (including the car) were safe and unharmed. As portrayed here, a simple slip of concentration can potentially be fatal.

Being comfortable in where I am is another area I see myself in. I remember those times I was in NYC. It was torturous for me to travel down. I was unwilling. I had made the friendship with people surpass this friendship I have with God. I wanted to be present for outings. I didn’t want to be present for meetings, spiritual events etc. I’m grateful for the mercy and grace showered upon me. Without those experiences, the junk within me wouldn’t be cleared.

I was taught to fight on; contend for my faith; stand firm. During those days back in NYC, I was an avid iron pumper. With friends in the same gym company and trainers, I underwent tough and strict physical training during and after my army days. Results were quick. Motivation was there (due to the results and a training partner). Yet, a simple test from God and I crumbled and complained as if I got swindled of my life savings.  The physical workout that I went through must be a spiritual workout. I need spiritual workout to carry the burdens which will turn into fruits. Think alongside me. When we carry a laptop in a backpack to school or work every day, our arms will be trained to be accustomed to the weight. Now, you get called up to the army for your reservist. You have to carry an assault rifle (5kg) with one hand and walk around the woods. What is the increase of the weight? 3kg? What if you had been leading a comfortable life of not exercising your arms? Surely that 5kg would weigh 50kg to you. There is a need for me to continuously step out of my comfort zone to experience new pastures God is leading me to. There is a need to train up my feeble arms to carry more of His burdens, more of His fruits in time to come. Don’t expect training to be easy. No pain, no gain.

*In case you’re wondering what article I was referring to, it was an email sent out by Si Yuan to SIM1. I will be doing this as my devotions (on top of qt) for this period of fasting. Credit to Si Yuan.

http://alexanderhope.blog.friendster.com/2010/02/rocky-iii-our-passion/

i’m Yours

Missions. I’m still standing in awe at the timings of Your plans for sending me overseas on all the occasions. Every time I am abroad, I see myself as more fortunate. I feel Your heartbeat. Lord, I want to capture this heartbeat and make it fully mine.

Make my life Your plan, Your breath, Your glory.

abstinence 2

Joshua 6

God’s victorious plan was revealed to Joshua. God had already planned the way Israel was to bring down the walls of Jericho. Joshua followed the command of God, and so did Israel. Every morning they circled Jericho and went back to camp which was about 4.5-5km away. 4.5-5km is no short distance for us in the modern day. I can’t imagine waking up at 6 or 7am and walk 4-5km from my house to Lavender and another 4-5km back! It’s such a tiring activity to do!

But the Israelites did not complain. They knew who their backing was. They knew the value. They have seen the miraculous work of God just 2 weeks back when God parted the Jordan River.

Relating this back to today’s context, do I need to see to believe? I often doubt the power of God in Singapore, but not abroad. It is this feeling of knowing that I cannot depend on myself that forces me to rely totally on God. In Singapore, I either become complacent or sceptical due to the reliance of science and technology, and of course, human logic. I cannot rely on myself. I must learn to depend on God. I must first see God for who He really is – The magnificent and sovereign Creator who never changes.

Squash this giant of mine. Magnify the midget that I have made of You. Your fingerprints are everywhere. Make me appreciate them more with you unending grace. Your love will move my bum.

opened eyes

2010. The beginning has been lovely so far except for a blip in my spiritual walk a week back. Talking about God’s grace today, and when I think back of the events in my life since 2010 was welcomed, His grace has been the one driving my life. Without this amazing grace, I would not have appreciated God in this way.

I’m starting to see things deeper than its surface. I’m starting to flow along with the Holy Spirit. Am I going crazy? Hell yea – crazily in sync and in love with God and His people.

Every night, I would see this van parked outside my house. There lies this all so familiar face that I’ve been greeting him as Uncle ever since I was running in my diapers. I got my first few bicycles and a motorized car powered by electricity from him, and sent my bicycles to him for subsequent servicing.

This van of his is no strange object parked outside my house. This has been the norm for the past 2 years. Though the clock in my phone read 2130, he was still packing and sorting out paper items for recycling. The line of recycling paper has been a pretty new idea to him. Every time when I see him, I would just walk past and greet. It was different this time around.

Tonight, I decided that a change was necessary. What I can provide to this uncle, I ought to. As he packed his items, I squatted down and chatted with him in Mandarin (of all languages). Being 23, it seems that everyone is asking me if I have a partner. Well, back to the point.

A lengthy conversation followed and I found out a lot about his history and the history of his business in dealing with bicycles and other motorized toys. Life has been getting tougher since he started off his business exactly 20 years back. The cost of living has constantly increased, worse still, there is inflation to be dealt with currently as the prices of oil keeps rising. Running a small business isn’t easy these days, he echoes the same sentiments as my dad.

The conversation went on, covering his family. Boy, I can’t imagine not talking to this interesting person for 20 whole years! It doesn’t matter if anyone was interesting. What matters is that there is sincerity and a spirit of wanting to bless.

I’m starting to see God’s fingerprints all over. I’m starting to enjoy talking to strangers or even acquaintances. I thank God for showing me the wide spectrum of life. I’ve lived through the wealthy moments, and I’ve gone through some dark moments. It is through interaction with the many walks of life that makes me count my blessings and conscious of what God is doing in my life. Thank You for opening my eyes to see.

abstinence 1

Reading from the book of Joshua, chapter 5 for qt, I recall the sermon delivered by Pastor Jeff earlier on last year. But what caught me this time round was that God cannot be mocked, not even in the toughest situations.

⁶ The Israelites had moved about in the desert forty years until all the men who were of military age when they left Egypt had died, since they had not obeyed the LORD. For the LORD had sworn to them that they would not see the land that he had solemnly promised their fathers to give us, a land flowing with milk and honey. ⁷ So he raised up their sons in their place, and these were the ones Joshua circumcised. They were still uncircumcised because they had not been circumcised on the way. (Joshua 5:6-7)

Who am I to tell God or say “God, if I’m not the one that You will use, there isn’t anyone who is ready!” This attitude is just so arrogant. Who says that God will not make a way? Here, God has shown us that it is He who decides who to enter the Promised Land, and who to fight for Him. Besides God, no one has the authority to make such decisions. Self righteousness is no righteousness at all.

Today, God, You see the iniquities that blemish me. Help me to maintain a humble heart and be like the sinner who dares not to lift up his face to look at You, at the same time beating himself on the chest and asking for forgiveness. I want to be broken daily not for fame, not for wisdom, but for the purpose that You’ve called me out to be. I want to be a better follower of Yours.

Teach me O Lord how to be more like You. Deepen my love for people and let this conviction cut me up into pieces so that I will look to You constantly.

avatar

Watched Avatar 3D with Kelvin Poon today. A mixture of fighting, war, love, essence of life, humanity was shown on the screens and the entire show reminded me of the human race.

During my trip to Vietnam, I visited the war zones and viewed many pictures of the war. In addition, I read articles of how the war was fought using chemical bombs, underground tunnels, tanks etc But never did I realize of the severity of the destruction till I watched Avatar today.

The massive destruction by the US Army unto Pandora was inhumane. They wanted to obtain the fortunes of the mineral which is hidden under the tree which houses the village of the tribe of Navi. Hence, the Army wanted to get the villagers away from the site. A selfish desire led to many more evil doings which were constantly justified.

The forest was heavily bombs, causing fire to be widespread, casualties. The pain was clearly and cleverly depicted, which was the part I failed to see while I was in Vietnam.

War is horrible. War is destructive to mankind. War must be taken seriously and the effects of it are irreversible.

This war in the movie started out with vested interest of investors. I prayed. Am I doing things that are selfish? Check my heart and reveal all that’s within.

to love is to seek first the KOG

I was rushing out of house but I took a second to peer out of my window. A Bentley Continental was parked at my doorstep. I wondered if it is owned by one of our clients or some passerby who decided to stop by to purchase tau sar piah.

Down I went and I saw a familiar face talking to my dad. That Bentley driver has been our client for a very long period of time. Previously he didn’t drive a Bentley. It was a Mercedes-Benz S Class then a BMW 7 Series, and lastly a Jaguar (if my memory didn’t fail me) and now, a Bentley.

Wanting to relate this phenomenon back to the WOG, I decided to approach God. What has this car got to do with love?

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸Love never fails. (1 Cor 13:4-8)

Love is broad. How then has love got to do? Taking a closer look at the verses, I realized that love is not envy and definitely no self seeking.

Imagine that my father had been greedy when the client was driving the S Class and charged him a higher price for his services. Would he be able to pay? Of course! But he wouldn’t return even if he is rich. This is love. Love for people in the many things that we do all the time.

If we claim to love God, then we ought to love people as well since God is love. When we honor and love God, He will make all things chase after us instead of us coveting the things of the world.

³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matt6:33)

The above mentioned is a very clear example. When my dad chose to charge a reasonable fee, the client is pleased with the fee and the service and returns. Even when the client purchases a new car, he still hires my dad’s services. With loyal customers and repeated sales, it is money that flows in naturally. Isn’t this the scenario of money chasing my dad?

When we love God, we trust God. Just like a couple. God, I want to trust You. I want to be more aware of my love for You and people around me.

birthplace

Your humanly birth place was in a manger. Your spiritual birthplace was in heaven.

My physical birth place is in Thomson Medical Center. At the foot of the cross, my spirit was born. Praise to Your name.

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